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long time, no post beyotch!

Its true.

My boy is now on short term meds, and they last through school, and he is finally doing well. That is by far the most important thing, to me.

Also, I would like to note that I'm apparently homicidal while sleeping. Or at least dangerous. The spouse told me the most terri-hilarious story about what I did. See, I have a habit of violence while sleeping. Usually I swing the wrong way, though on occasion he's had some pretty rude awakenings by my fist, foot or elbow.

So, this time I started with a knee to the family jewels. And, while he was choking on them, I apparently grabbed him by the throat. Really fast, scary fast, he said. At which point he asked me... "Are you dreaming?"

And I apparently said, "Hmm? Oh, yeah." And rolled over and went back to sleep.

So. OMFG if I kill him in my sleep, I seriously didn't mean it because I have NO RECOLLECTION! Swear to God! Holy shit, yo! Maybe I should look into going to a clinic for wonky sleep or something...

Wow. She LIVES on?!?!

Yeah.

I just haven't had an exciting life, unless you count some of the stuff that happens in dreams. No luck to speak of, one way or the other. Except...

My brother got married to a girl he'd been with for about a year, now, in Monterey. He's like, 28 now, so, you know. Its around that time for him to start that sense of needing a family and whatever or something. I'm sure. He got sent to Texas, to a base where there isn't really accommodations for family, and they never found a good place, the new wife(pregnant btw) went home. Her doctor was there and whatever anyhow. SO
...
I missed the drama part, where she and her family had some sort of blowout(possibly hormonal on her part OMG do I remember how awful pregnancy was)...

She's coming to live with my father. O.o

While M is in Texas in some podunk border town until Christmas, she's staying with my dad, his GF and her sons in his house. A bunch of people she has NEVER met. She was supposed to get in from the airport late last night. Holy. Crap.


I can NOT imagine what is going on. I hope she has a winter jacket, though, because its snowing, here. I'm calling my dad later, and will see about going to visit tomorrow. To meet her, to see about her needs, to just... wonder at. OMG, another female in the family that is not my mother or a girlfriend of my father's? Shocky.

Ever feel like...

Something somewhere in the world just went wrong and you ought to be crying?

I feel like something just... broke inside, and I can't figure out what or why.

Only that I should be crying. Heh. We know that probably won't happen.

Its a fucked up world. Or I'm fucked up. RE-gardless.

I'm sick to death

Sick in my gut. Waiting for things with my son to get sorted out. I can't hardly think of anything else, right now. He had a total breakdown last night and said, I quote, "I wish I could just stop breathing and make my life go away!"

His dad says not to forget what he said, because we have to tell the program people. No shit. I don't think I could possibly forget.

He was so happy for a short time, when he first moved to the new class. But he couldn't hold it together. Things are getting worse again, the kids are being mean, according to him. Probably because he's fooling around or can't focus or can't seem to get what they think are simple concepts.

It doesn't matter that he's not stupid. He feels it. Feels out of control. And now the depression is starting to rear its godawful ugly head. Of course I blame myself and my genetics for that. My example of occasional intense despair.

Phone calls have to be made. Now.

bloody neglectful biyotch am I

Actually, its just that I'm quiet because I'm again OVERINVOLVED with my problems. I'm making myself vent about it right now.

The saga with my child continues. His teachers have come to the conclusion that he is actually one of the top kids in his class. They had some national testing the past few weeks, and according to those he's quite bril. According to his actual grades, he's gonna fail 3rd grade. Its all to do with his ability to maintain attention. They've done everything they know to do(which is considerable, since his homeroom teacher had an experience with her daughter that taught her a lot about ADHD people- caught it late that time, but she's apparently vigilant now) and they've got us resources for another program, a community one that we might be able to afford.

However, they've also had enough experience with this type of kid to be softly suggesting medication. One of the few things that can flat out make me cry, and did. Heh, I even broke out in a rash and pimples that I'm sporting today. Oh, Joy! Big stress does ugly things to me. But the idea that he's struggling so hard, and suffering the extra attention of his classmates (who say: but 'I' don't need special help- suggesting something is wrong with him. OMG the talks we've had) and the days when he's just crippled and becomes afraid to even try...

FUCK. You know? It isn't like the old days when it was a generic Ritalin the lil thing up. Something to focus while in school. Just enough to get by. Something to leave behind when its not needed. NON-addictive stuff. And some days I wish I had that, too. Meds that could clear my head up enough for me to get one thing done without 50 other things in my face, demanding attention with equal noise. hmm... make that almost every day...

But.. fuck my genes, destroying my child's life.

And again, with my car. I JUST need it to work for a little while. I don't want for much... I can't even get that. WTF. I don't dare set anything up work wise until I can get to an interview. I hate it all. Vehemently.

taken from another page

You must be the change you want to see in the world.
-Mahatma Gandhi

AND OMG THANK YOU!!!!

To everyone who sent me those V-gifts! You so didn't have to and you're so sweet for thinking of me!

Edisto Beach

Nice.
The house was crowded and by the end of the week everyone had had a fight (except us), the beach was right outside the back door so it was easy to escape at the cost of a sunburn. The weather was good. On the last day rain fell and not a moment before. The first days were too windy and overcast to be comfortable in the water, but we could dig, and the boy dug with vengeance.
We took the kayaks out Thursday and explored the marsh off the river a bit. There were seven of us though, so I found myself wanting to keep track of everyone all the time. It cuts into the fun in a squirrelly place like a salt marsh. I'm SUCH a mom.
I wanted to rent some bikes but we didn't end up doing that. The male unit did go with his boss to Savannah and drive around looking for a place that they actually found and yet didn't recognize, so they turned around. thats like, a 4 hour drive both ways to try to fossil hunt and then bail on. I think they just went to have a bonding boy-bitchfest or something.
So...
and...
after the beach...

Its snowing here. No fucking shit. Its snowing and its almost May.
New York, New York!
O how I wish to leave thee!

Passed the Nationals

Now I can work in many states!
I'll have to update my insurance.

First to suck it up and start sending out queries. *insert irrational fear here*

Relay for Life - Charity for Cancer

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000003162881 ... <-- My brother's facebook

Direct Link to Donations page

He is doing a Relay for Life and would like pledges. I said I'd share the info and widen his possibilities for success. He's all flexing for chic... er.
Being buff for fu...
Um.
Being competitive and helping people while doing it. So, if you're inclined, go check out his page and click his linky and toss him a bone. He'll love it. And do tricks. Sit, Matt, Sit! Good Marine!

((He's probably killing me by telepathic super powers right now or something, because I'm teasing him for the whole interwebz to see))

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