1. My insane brother says Kato (the big shed in our back yard) is Muslim. My brother has been saying praise Allah a lot. Also... one morning on the walk to the bus to ARC, he was herding things. He was out of touch with this world enough to actually answer when asked what he was doing.

Herding little sheds. Apparently Kato is a breeder.

They just don't make enough medication to set that world straight. OMFG.

2. I just counted my classes. I have 6 Shiatsu classes left. I have 6 treatments classes left.
I have three or four energy classes that are just introductory hey-check-out-this-neat-shit! classes.
I have 1.. ONE more assistant clinic gig and that's tomorrow night.
I have 1... ONE more chair massage event.
I have 4... ONLY FOUR? more student massages to do.

Okay, and a few papers to write and a few very fucking important tests to study for and pass but. Dude. OMFG. I'm really almost done. This week really will be the last bastard week from hell. The next two weeks will be stress filled shitbags, but less of the eating up my time variety.

I'm really fucking close. Don't hold your breath, but maybe... cross your fingers?

And then there's the Nationals!!!! And the State exam (which is a lot harder), my insurance to pay for and then... In a couple months I'll be working for real...

I just have to solidify where. Scout locations. But I'm not going to worry about that until actual graduation, because I can't. I can't worry about the big picture yet, or I'll crack my teeth with the stress. Just keep my shit on target for this little picture. Finishing school and getting my test dates lined up.

I don't know what today is except it was catch-up day for sleep and chores... eh. Chores fell short. Pfft. Whatevahs. I got all sorts of yee haw scheduled for tomorrow, class at 8, lunch hour meeting with school director, I promised someone I'd do shiatsu? with them after that, and then clinic until 9. I almost had some extra time tomorrow, until I scheduled another session because I need a few more student massages lined up so HEY! More at school study time is a good thing. Especially when I haven't been able to control any space at home, it helps. I can't think in chaos. My brain is already chaos, so chaos + chaos = brain dribbles out the ear instead of doing intelligent work.

Ugh, speaking of, I have this 30 hour project (in my case its assisting the clinic director and filling out this redundant busywork packet) that I'm re-writing to be a lot less um... a big waste of time? Yeah. That would be the explanation of it. I wanted a project that would offer practical experience. I've only half got it. Part of it is that MY 30 hour project is actually 40+ hours because of downtime at the job. That's kinda stupid, in my opinion. I'm supposed to be doing the packet during that time, which they didn't tell me, and didn't tell the director what he should do with me in regards to the project, and it was just um... Not well thought out. Though apparently they've been doing this project at the other campus. I dunno. All I know is that its weak. So I'm gonna submit a new packet structure for them to try out next semester, because FUCK this packet is retarded and pisses me off in general. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time. I want to do something with purpose, or just let me do whatever the fuck I want, dammit.

My boy has taken over my computer. But HA! I stole it back to blog! Muhuhahaha! And stuff. Anyhow, he's got a guild thing to do (OMG thank you lotusice and kimtyza for the Sunday night guild event, its so big for him to be able to do a 'team' thing!!!!) so I gotta hound him out of the bath and get him all settled for the game.

(the guild thing is a World of Warcraft thing, for those of you who might scan this and go... huh?)

In the car by 7:30 am and not getting home until now every night is really um... tiring. Gladly, this week should be the worst. Partly because I have to spend Saturday doing CPR and first aid courses. Oh. Yayers.
My family can enjoy Wednesday for me. They're going to the MOST and to see dinosaurs at the civic center. Maybe we'll do dinner together or something. Anyways... I'm braindead. Words that convey things ... too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uwY3sjqYX0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWTYyx6PLZY

freakin nuts!

Its my mom's birthday, so we're going to go out and get her what she wants. Which is takeout. *blink* Aaaanyway. We're gonna do flowers and I'm going to make a bracelet because wanting just food for your birthday is not acceptable to me.

BDS II is nowhere near me. I am sad.

In other news, I again prove to myself I am a freak.

I found an interesting site with this set of Implicit Association Tests. I took the first one, and wound up in the 2% bracket. I have a moderate association of female to career as male to family... REGARDLESS of the fact that I grew up with a stay at home mom and most of my influences were either moms first and career second, or women that lacked a steady career altogether.

But whatever makes my brain weird, its probably also the reason I'm not a serial killer.

they have lots. I'm gonna see if I'm racist, next.

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/takeatest.html

It was bedtime, and my son is always bigger than his PJs. They usually end up looking like leotards after a month or two. I swear I don't wash in hot water or dry on anything other than low, so... anyhow.

Boy is anticking before bed and spousal unit says casually, "Nice wedgie."

No pause. Boy replies, smooth as butter, "Thanks, I made it myself."

OMG. LMFAO.

Boy has pink eye in both eyes and the flu. He doesn't seem very sick. The flu test said otherwise. He has some symptoms, barely. Just one more reason for me to mock vaccinations. So what if he misses a few days of flu? He'll never get that strain again, because unlike with the vaccine, his body can create an immunity that will fit the disease perfectly.

I'm not really that bad off,myself, but it always seems like around the time my menstrual cycle is about to hit I get sick. Is it that my immune system takes a vaycay, or is it that I mistake the symptoms for being illness? I don't know. Not motivated to give a crap today, anyhow. I didn't sleep for shit last night and am in a pissy mood today and I can't really pinpoint why. Again, hormones may have something to do with it. They may not.

Maybe, as is fairly common in my head, I subconsciously spotted something that bothered me. I tend not to notice things that are unfair or unkind towards me, not like most people who have that thing... oh yeah, a sense of self esteem and self worth. That's what it is. I have a feeling like something... someone did something offensive to me. My father was here yesterday and never came to say hello or even pass a message on through my mother (since we're living quarantine upstairs). Maybe its how my mother's dog pissed on my second favorite pair of boots and she didn't apologize. Maybe its because my spouse spent all weekend on WoW, stopping just long enough to mop the bathroom floor (which I thanked him for). Maybe its because my son has to contradict everything I say, down to the most obnoxious little points. I can't get him to even take his medicine without mass amounts of drama. Maybe its as simple as whenever I need the goddamn silverware, SOMEONE is ALWAYS leaning right against the drawer and completely oblivious to what I need, regardless of the fact that he's been watching me make the boy breakfast.

Maybe its just that listening to my crazy brother rant and rave creepy shit is just getting to me too much.

Maybe its just hormones.

God I just have to FOCUS through this to get to the end. Drag through the chaos to find some fucking order. No, not find, MAKE order. Mobilize the exercise of controlled freefall.

OMG. Fucking party! Or at least be able to get to things other than school. Stuff that takes like, brains and stuff. 3 tests this week, right? Haha, one was a 2 question one and I got a 50 because I can't listen to videos well (was sorta passing out because it was dark and I was cold and huddling under my blanket for warmth in class). Anyways, I did okay on the others, so its all good. I'm doing better in Shiatsu.
I also got to work on my teacher today. What was really hard for me was that her comments were clear and honest and she said I have amazing pressure and with a few tweaks to my technique I would be absolutely phenomenal. It was hard, but for once I didn't knee jerk doubt what she said. OMG I know, right? Me, take a compliment with something like acceptance?
But see, she teaches (99% of the industry doesn't know enough/isn't good enough with technique to teach) and works with a local hockey team all the time and when she isn't doing that or teaching she works at THE best spa around here. She is also not at all prone to giving praise like that. I've never heard the word phenomenal come from her before.
I didn't put as much stock in the school owner's review, even though he said something semi-similar last semester. I was thinking, Yeah, its your school, you're invested on getting me through and out the door and praise usually works there. Ego boost? Sure. Its about business, and I'm good enough to graduate, whatever, groovy.
She's not like that.

I guess its partly that I can't keep arguing with the information that keeps stacking up pretty consistently from people I've worked on. It's only taken a year and like, 60-70 massages given for me to start to believe that I'm good. Or possibly better than good enough, which is different, and better, and important.

So, party on, its Friday! I will now wander off to dream of making 100$ an hour in 5 years. Maybe more. A thing that's still nearly inconceivable to me. Now it has a form and potential? Maybe.

Was the first full day back at school. From morning traffic to an even later night (working the desk for part of my clinic now). My hands are tired, and so is my brain. Of course its also that very draining time of the month so blah. Back to boot camp for wussies. <-- is a wuss.

I'll get back into it. Its just a matter of a few days.

I has them. Not at everyone. Just at a few specific people in my immediate vicinity. I can sort of blame it on my hormones, as I'm in that post-PMS mode. Heh. Stuff has been grating on me more than usual. Same old stuff, but... I dunno. Maybe its because I'm approaching it a little differently. Been working on letting my mind be known, of late. I've been a little more successful than during past stabs. Ironically, it's not making me feel better in the sense that I achieved the goals I wanted to happen by expressing, per se. I feel a little more... justified? Sure, justified than I did at the start. But the harsh silent snarlng in my head at every little thing is getting a lot worse.

I guess I'm either the "bend-over-and-take-it type", or the "driven-to-homicidal-hatitude" type. No constructive inbetweens.

I'll hold off judgment until after the hormones chill.

According to my schizophrenic brother, the count of Nazis living in the secret shed behind our house has gotten to 13. I don't know what this means for the world. I do know that Kato the Mad Scientist has been collecting more of his blood then usual. As long as he doesn't want to do any more experiments with poop and bottle caps, I guess I'm okay with it. The color coding keeps changing, too. I guess its security issues in Steve-World again. Maybe its the Nazis. Dirty fuckers. Always spying.

Back in it again. New class, people who have bonded, and me coming in; outsider. I can't think of it in that way though, or I'll defeat any attempt to get comfortable in any way. I'll integrate. It was business class. Of course it was tiresome. I haven't woken up at 6 in the morning in a long time and I got crap sleep last night, so I call this to be naptime.

The rules are, anyone reading my blog can take a nap. Especially if you're at work. *grinz*

Forget-Me-Not Factory. besides the massive walls of granite and the slightly New Englandish feel of the shopping district in Ellicot city, that is the absolute highlight of it, for me. Yes, the ghost tour was fun because it was a smattering of history and a lot is psyche me out stuff that is fun to play with. As a suspense of disbelief thing and as a springboard for imaginary scenarios.

We met B and the child-units in Ellicot and oh. OH how the Bean dragged B through the store. And whomever else she could get her hands on, really. G was like... *faints of masculine boredom* However, we found a really cute figure store where he found a nice old school Star Wars collectible, so there was something for everyone.

I like fairies. I never used to be like, a fairy fanatic or anything. But this shoppe ( <-- see usage) is seriously a wonderland. Crammed full of fairy stuff along with holiday stuff, by and large fanciful, it is three floors full of... Oh! There is ANOTHER room of ceiling to spilling over the floor glitter and fancy? OMFG! If I bought everything that seriously said take me home? My husband would have to go gay as a sparkle coated drag queen to tolerate it. Or loose his mind. Seriously.

Shist. It powers ghosts, according to the tour guide. The reason Ellicot city is such a gathering ground for supernatural goings on, he says, is because of shist. You know what they say.

...do I have to type it out? Prepare to groan, I'm gonna do it...

Shist happens.

I deserve whatever I get for actually putting that into words. We'd grabbed some food at Johnny's Bistro. Um. I have to pause here to say that Johnny's Bistro is more confused than a transgender with Alzheimer's. It wants to be posh but accessible. It wants to have amazing food. It wants to have little candles and good looking service in what amounts to a regular old pizza joint. In this case, the window dressing detracts. You can only fool people so much, guys. It was decent though. Near the end we were increased by 1 to include A, who is a sculptor, found objects, from what I heard. I'd like to see his work, of course. When do I not want to see someone's work? I didn't really get to know him, but perhaps eventually.

And then it was cold. I left my jacket in the Miata because for some reason I thought we'd end up back at it before night time. Silly me. Thinking again! ha! B offered her jacket, but then T assumed the knight in shining armor pose and offered me his breastplate. Well. Sweatshirt. Close enough. It helped a lot. I loose bodyheat like whoa. I felt sorry for everyone, tho. It looked like everyone was cold except the kids. Because we come prepared for the kids. That's how it rolls, folks, in the way of the family oriented. The kids had cozy sweatshirts and jackets and G listened with fascinated confusion and skepticism. Bean just enjoyed being part of the party, I think.

It was fun to listen to the stories and the guide played a hint of converted skeptic, but he was a true believer. He had to be. He was all in black, down to his inexpensive sneakers. Black duster, brimmed hat and all. I think the black does give him a genuine advantage into slipping around the crowd less noticed, though. There may be a practical edge to his garb.

I can accept that the granite may well be a collector for certain forms of energy, and since Ellicot City was an outlaw city for a while I suppose it could be charged with high emotions. I'll probably never have the stamp of true believer, or total non-believer. Though the guide surely thought that we were because of the little EMF reader someone brought with them. Probably primarily for the institution.

I suggested Dan scan ...(ominous drumroll please) The Man in Black. And as soon as he saw it he said, "Oh! So you ARE real amateur ghost seekers, huh?"

I just smiled. Because, what can you do? Adam was brilliant, though. He totally fed that guys words from the whole tour back at him as if he believed. And the man in black? he said with a hint of smuggness, "I see you've done your research."

Mmm. Yes. The extensive tour research plan in which we listen and parrot back what you say. Ahh, well. He was happy. That is what counts in life, right? Sowing satisfaction and contentment wherever you go. Even if its um... questionable in grounded content.

So THEN we went to pick up the Miata from the work garage and drove it back to the homestead. Rather, almost back. We ended up having to turn around for just a wee moment to put a bunch of dumbass drunken kids int heir place, first. As there were like, five or six kids weaving in the margin, and there was a bit of traffic, added to that the fact that the house yard was a stone's throw away, K slowed down. Like, a lot.

Some moronic little bitch shouted, "Why are you slowing down, faggot?" as we passed. Dude. See, I took no offense for myself because A) I usually fail to recognize when someone is insulting me in that kind of way and B)I'm not gay, so they're just stupid. But a second later, It hit me that dur, they might be talking about K, like for real. Its not one of those things I think on a lot, you know? Its not like, right up in my head all the time. She has a wife. People do. Not all women have wives, but whatever. It who she loves enough to share that deep a life with, and thats that. yanno?

And we looked at each other. She kept going for like, a nanosecond and then said, "I can't let that slide."
Cool, I'm down with that, so when she turned around, I rolled down my window because they would be on my side when we pulled up. I got a hit of adrenaline because there was like, I don't know, still. five or six of them and it wouldn't be an easy win if it got physical.

I didn't even think about my hands. Not until just now. My hands are seriously to be protected until I graduate, and then even so, care must be taken. Without my hands, I have no livelihood. If I get another medical problem, I'm out again. They may make me take everything over again, which means full new tuition, which means I'm not finishing at all. Totally didnt' think about that when I propped my elbow in the window and shouted back, "What's your problem?"

Oh, but they all looked like kicked puppies. Not one met my gaze. All my tension went away. Even before they all said we're very sorry. A few times. In a row. So I just growled out a generic, "Watch your mouths. it can get you into trouble."

And that was the end of the primary confrontation. The secondary was lighter... at least on our end. See, there was a party at the next door neighbor's. That as the logical place for them to have come and so K paced a moment, and then said, " I can't be insulted right in my own yard. I have to go talk to M."

So away she went to speak to the neighbor lady. She came back with something like an amused grin and said, "I think it was party crashers. It was really probably not that crowd over there, seriously. They were all like... aging hippies, and I'm pretty sure at least half the group was gay and transgendered."

She had heard M call attention and stop the band, sounding outraged as she'd walked back home. Someone was in big damn trouble, fo'sho.

***

The next morning B, Bean and I were up, doing the stagger, durr coffee thing and suddenly there was a dog looking through the glass door of the porch. A dalmatian. Another was trotting about int he yard. A little further on were two golden retrievers. An older terrier came about a little later and started snuffing the yard.

The cat, Crazy's tail puffed up to ginormous proportions when he saw all that. Bean was all, I wanna pet! but B said we should go ask, first. It was the perfect opportunity to scope things out. We learned from the hostess that they were indeed party crashers and she dressed them up, down and in baby's nightgown before letting them go. They were basically humiliated in front of the whole party. Sadly, I bet the ones that actually did it weren't there at the moment, but that's okay. Its a lesson people should learn, anyway. Besides its bad to crash parties, don't be a fuckwad. Right? Its a good lesson.

The truly funny thing? M didn't invite K and B because she didn't know if they would be okay with what was going on there. Whereas the neighbors on the other side won't even talk to them because of the non-traditional relationship there. Amusing, how assumptions are related to abject stupidity, isn't it? And how non-invasive alternative lifestyle people want to be, in order to keep everything as comfortable for everyone as they can.

Sunday was a blur of knitting and chatting and the toll of the late night making for slightly fussy kids. Sunday night we watched a bunch of Nevermore. It was a BBC production of one of Neil Gaiman's concepts. The Marquis de Carrabas (the name wonderfully ganked from Puss in Boots, BTW, and Oh, but here the Marquis IS Puss in Boots) is hands down the most exciting character in the story. Even though he's not the main player, he is as Han Solo- Stealing the scene whenever he's in it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It was a night for relaxing and doing totally girly stuff like henna in hair.

Monday was also quiet in that G stayed home sick. But we did go to R-town to do coffee and a hummus platter, and then wandered the streets. Only the streets, because the shops were all closed. Small town practicality. We wandered to Walmart... well. Sam's Club. We were so busy talking the whole time that we had no idea until the lady at the door asked for a membership card.

We blinked at each other and there was a collective, "Whut?"

Scenery registered. Bulk store stuff all over. The blue ... was not Walmart blue. It was Sam's Club blue. Sheepishly we left and found the right spot to look and see that yeah. walmart sucks, as per usual. But there were some beads that were nice, and a card that was perfect, so those were bought before we headed back to hang and finish up projects. I wove the ends of my string into my hat. It was done, and not looking half bad. Pretty good, really. I failed at taking compliments.

Then B and wee!bean came home and there was a nice chat time, B's work related stuff. Its not a massive operation, but its not very small, either. Puzzling together the menus on the fly, especially when the supply run due was totally not about to show up seems to give B something of a thrill. Most people would be freaking out. Panic, panic, panic (totally me included) but there's always healthy items well made and options for everyone even at the most dire of shortages. Her grin says, "Hahaha! I win." When the tale gets told. Hell yes, I'd say so.

Monday is a gaming night, as it ought to be. Constant exposure to systems and styles is important. Not only with video, but with board, card and rp systems. It all feeds the correct parts of the brain, especially for these guys.

Roasted potatoes with carmelized onions, steamed green beans with lemon, and a happy lamb roast for the omnivores begins the gaming night. Talk. About. Spoiled. Most game nights I've done, even at Altered States when we'd do it and do the potluck thing... were not at all of fine fare. We'd do pizza. Holly would make some nice stuff, sometimes, usually a pasta dish and whatnot. Her thing was the baking. She made baked goods and we'd do ziti and salad or something. Okay, me, R and OMFG the boy who was veg and I can't remember his name!!! might go for the healthier foods but... When did this become a food rant? ANYHOW.

Table was set. The boys arrived. D , who I have met by this time, so it was Yay! D! And then C, who I had not.

C- Oh, you are an intriguing one. The Hawaiian shirt wearer. Sandals, khakis, and a pleasant grin. Excited about the next idea, hopeful to find a way to make it work. Also the one most likely to sprawl like a cat on a pouf. Trying like hell to not be the emo-boy despite some recent Big changes, and for the most part I'd say succeeding.

Then J showed up, which was the final group member for the night. J is big. Not like M is big, or N, but like, inbetween. The thing about J that really struck me (besides that smile he has that is like, the epitome of 'I understand') was how much Southern gentleman still can come through the modern man. There is a certain style and grace that is nothing short of inherited by association, and J carries that, even as he's wearing a t-shirt that says- '20 Reasons Why Video Games Are Better Than Girls'.

Tonight's game was Gray Ranks. This was a real gamer's game. It was brilliant, in a nutshell. I got to witness the finish, and daYum, was it good. It gives you so much material to work from. I NEVER would have imagined that minimizing the adventure space and time would create such a wide variety of possibilities for scenarios and character advancement. In a certain logical way it makes perfect sense, when comparing it to real life, but the epicness of games call for more! more! more... no. Not in this case, not at all.
Its a mostly GMless system, too. The players seem to have one person to keep track of things int he general sense, like the banker in Monopoly, but that's it. The game frees everyone up to participate completely. I haven't played it, but I would highly recommend it to anyone that likes RP tabletop games and is willing to learn a new system. I promise it won't hurt much at all!

I went southish to visit K & B and it was good. Got there on a misty Friday night... Well. Got to the area.
I had to stop for directions.

I found a little tavern with a lovely name that was not at all hoity toity as The Worthington Inn might sound. There were 4 locals at the immediate bar. Including the tender, a girl that obviously knew her patrons if not her area. One strapping fellow that was probably oh, mid 20s was eyeing me as I was asking directions and asking cute drunken questions like, "How come you want to go there? To make friends?"

"No, to VISIT friends." I had to enunciate carefully. Drunk hearing was working with the beer goggles on this poor ol' boy. And the tender?

"XXX... stop looking at her like that, she's just trying to get directions! Sheesh!"

They didn't know the road I was looking for, though it was literally less than 2 minutes away. More like 5 with the fog, but still. I had to call to get the rest of the way, which was like... Wah. I almost had it by myself! oh well. Then there's hang/catch up time with tea and its always like this.

Tea. I drink it at K & B's, and not really anywhere else. It doesn't taste the same and its wholly psychological. I am an associative creature, at the end of the day.

Saturday was the big and busy day. We took Bean and went to the coffee shop. I forced Bean to eat some of my lemon poppy muffin because you can take the kid away from the mom but the mom never stops going. Evidenced by my constant- "Are you drinking something?" To K who had some ickness in the sinuses and chest going. ZOMG. STFU, MOM! LOL. Nobody got exasperated tho, so I suppose I wasn't too bad.

We then went to yarn shoppe. There are not solid walls in this shoppe; I use the 'pe' because places with character deserve that little mark of style. The walls are yarn shelves. Even in the bathroom. Swatches of yarn samples are the wall paper. A painted table settled in the middleish with a massive wooden holder for the many many needles just stuck in there for knitting. Retired age ladies sit there and work and chat and talk knitting, talk stitch strategy ways of doing this and that, yarn quality, needle sizes. A TOY chest in another recessed area where Bean found all sorts of new things to fool with and kept herself busy for a shockingly long time.

There I resisted, because I have a shaky track record with crafts- but K urged and I wondered what it would be like to knit on the round so.... We found some very pretty dark green alpaca. She bought it for me and I began my very first hat.

Then it was almost time to meet 'the work family'. I admit I was nervous. I'd online chatted and played WoW with all of one of them. Reality check time. These people are like, HIGH IQ people. Most if not all could be like, Mensa and shit. I have my smart moments, I know this. But OMFG, will I just... be overrun and like... a dumb non-blonde? Will the geek speak go way the fuck this way and that over my head? Will they think I'm some kind of duh and be polite but dismissive?

Nope. I'm so paranoid, I shoulda worked for the KGB. Sure some stuff was like... I'm not quite sure wtf... but mostly not. I of course had my dur moments of mispeaking. But I felt okay.

T's energy is like, so easy to pick up and run with like a kid with scissors. He vaguely reminds me of a specific porn star actor for reasons that are only partially like his nose and the way his eyes squint just so and the way he uses his voice like crowd control, his humor like a gauge- daring you to be offended.

N has this utterly charming hawklike face, a gently looming presence because of his narrow height, and a subtle sense of humor that weaves just so through a constant logical and pragmatic thought process. He caught my dumbass on math (surprise *eyeroll*) right away. Yes. The girl can guesstimate, but can not equate with precision.

D is like, this hat wearing, shaggy haired guy you don't instantly peg as anything other than maybe a college grad party boy. Tall(not like N!) and slim with this sweetness in his eyes that hides an adorable misbehaver within. After T, I trust that this is the one that gets in the most trouble. Its always the unassuming ones with the pretty cheekbones and glasses that rouse the rabble.

I would not want to stereotype M as the gentle giant... and really, its all relative here. He is a Scottish tank with this incredible sensitivity. Pausing to take photos of a crumbling trunk coated in moss at an angle to catch the composition that most interested him while we trek onwards, vainly hoping to summon up a real Blair Witch to ... Be scared of? Battle? Run from? Huge hands that manipulate with comprehension.

K and I went into the woods with these four and came out with a scratch, some burrs and a lot of laughter over navigationals. I like to think I came out with some new friends I'll be keeping, too.

We found restroom and refuge from the sun, coordinated our next effort and headed out for the sanitarium. It was a lengthy walk down a track and through a totally wicked cool tunnel to what must have been a drop off in the 60s. The curving drive was broken. There was a transformer station with drooping severed lines draped in vines. I imagine a jungle in that moment; the detritus should have had a clan of some sort of primates calling it home. It belongs in Central America or in India, but it somehow remains beside a cracked old road to a sanitarium.

We arrived at it and it was... fascinating. Graffiti and paint peeling, things thrown from windows throughout the years littering the paved compound. There were brick buildings and then there were the cement ones, three and four stories high, toothless things painted white and a blue in a Miami scheme of false cheer and vigor.

It hadn't seen action since at least the early seventies, I think, if not earlier. The compound didn't smell like must, so its door and windows have been unhinged more than just a few years. Within the buildings, it was different. Must and mold thrived in the many dark places. Damp has sunk into the spaces between tile and floor and ceilings, cracks in mortar and asbestos paint declaring decay.

Old insanity and enduring entropy, hand in hand.

I wish there had been real graffiti there. By which I mean, some true artist had gone and done something worthy. The highlight of that was an open bay decorated with teeth and eyes, making the black gaping maw of it vaguely reminiscent of Domo. And of course, Suck Satan's Cock. The genius of which was a childish rendition of phallus and testicles, a 6 plonked in each space with that declaration above.

Dan and I decided that if it was anyone's job, it was Tim's because he was our fearless leader.

It was sad and lonely. Isolated. It felt that way, to me. Each room spoke that, in one way or another. Small. Contained. Away. The power cords dangling from the ceiling, the sunlight streaming into the spaces it could invade, and the dank reservations for where it could not all said that to me. The tragedy here, to me, was in the small spaces. Acceptance of the state of alone, of contained, of waiting for the end that teases to slowly wander over and finally take all that away.

Surely there must have been traumas there, but I had no desire to feel any of that. My guess is that the biggest traumas to be felt would be by the mailroom, which was a very cool little space. Utterly sad and overgrown. A hewn stone space that was really different from the rest of the buildings around it. The wooden cubbyholes for mail were blocked by debris and plantlife that rose up in the wake of the ceiling having fallen in. Something about that space seemed so miserably desperate... but it makes sense, doesn't it?

When outside contact is shown with a letter that does or does not come. When care or negligence is proven with the arrival of the mail... I think, oddly, that place was the spot that was most disturbing to me. Not because of anything other than the connotations of what receiving mail might mean to the people trapped there. Institutionalized. Crazy, or just defiant, headstrong, or just tired of dealing with life in its dogged way of ADVANCING with or without you.

Anyway. The rest of us left before D and T, who were playing on the roofs and mucking about like kids in a playground. We went and coordinated the next part of our ghosthunting gig.

Ellicot City.

...on a trip to visit K & B. I'll be back in a few days. Laters, y'all!

I did fine. In fact, I have clinic tonight, even though I'm not scheduled to return until the 28th. *relief*

Back to the school. I have my re-entry test today. Hope for the best!

*cries*

I miss my baby!

I didn't have much time yesterday to miss him, but today- I slept in and it was good. Then I just did some laundry (OMG with no interference!!!!) and then... I didn't have to do homework because there was no boy to teach. No boy to bug me to play WoW. No boy being pissy about having to stop watching TV or to tell to stop monkeying around or to make breakfast or lunch for or share hugs...

*cries*

OTOH- I was able to work on some personal projects. So. That was nice.

Last weekend of October. All Saint's Day.

About fucking time. WOOT!!!!!